Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
