What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
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I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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