i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
