i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is Oprah even human
I enjoy the company of your penis
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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