Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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