Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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