I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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