Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
