So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We left the knife in your bed.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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