those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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