Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
