I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
