our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
