Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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