I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
