Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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