He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
