he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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