i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
