Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
so much tequila, so little girl.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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