he puts the penis in happiness.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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