I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
