Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
