there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
