I feel like abortions should bother me more
Life is so much better after having sex.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
