I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
