I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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