i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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