How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She announced her abortion via fbk
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
