i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
