thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
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Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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