JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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