a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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