my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
