We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
