So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
