I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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