We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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