I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
NoShamevember. You game?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
