My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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