Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
