last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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