I was born with a shot glass in my hand
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
