I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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