she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
