Don't make out with my wife yet
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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