put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
