I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
