Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have post one night stand depression
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
