You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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