I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
