he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
