On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
