just come out here and I will go home with you...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
