I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
