Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
