My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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