ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
