Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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