He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
