I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
