i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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