Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I look better un-naked...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
