There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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