He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
