Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
