but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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