I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
