I'm jealous of your bromance
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
