I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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