Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
