Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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