sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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