best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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