I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
